Standardized Weasel Aptitude
and Assessment Exam
1. When you are out riding and a cop looks at you, what do you expect?
a) A friendly nod; maybe a wave.
b) A ticket for having an unsafe vehicle.
c) An immediate, multi-vehicle, high-speed chase.
2. How did you learn to ride a motorcycle?
a) Took MSF or Rider’s Edge Training.
b) Spent 20 minutes in the driveway with your old man.
c) A used bike dealer showed you where the shifter was.
3. What is proper, ‘must-have’ riding attire to you?
a) Red, white and blue leathers with matching Oakley sunglasses.
b) Black leather jacket.
c) T-shirt, jeans, boots (preferably filthy).
4. Where does most of your motorcycle money come from?
a) Your Mom.
b) Cash or Approved Credit.
c) Drunken barter.
5. Where does most of your motorcycle money go to?
a) Mostly for chrome.
b) Mostly for gas.
c) Mostly for beer.
6. When is it okay to pass other vehicles?
a) Only when it’s safe.
b) Only when it’s legal.
c) Usually when you can force them off the road.
7. What was the very first modification to your bike?
a) Premium tires and brakes.
b) A high performance air intake and exhaust system.
c) A F.T.W. sticker.
8. If you give a young lady a ride on your motorcycle, do she:
a) Say what an enjoyable time she's having?
b) Clutch your rib cage with a surprisingly strong death grip?
c) Fall off and disappear?
9. After a close call in traffic, do you:
a) Change your riding habits to avoid this in the future?
b) Change your underwear and hope it never happens again?
c) Meet your buds for a couple brews and brag about it to your friends?
10. A helmet should always be:
a) D.O.T. approved.
b) the decision of the rider.
c) shoved up the government’s ass sideways.
11. Riding in groups is better because:
a) You are more visible to other motorists.
b) Help is available should something happen.
c) Someone else can buy a few more rounds.
12. What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you on a motorcycle?
a) Tipped over on steep driveway and scuffed your paint job.
b) T-boned a police cruiser.
c) Caught a S.T.D.
13. What does your pre-ride inspection consists of primarily?
a) Checking your hair in the mirror.
b) Checking tire pressures, oil levels, and the condition of your brakes.
c) Checking the scuff marks on your footpegs to see how far over you're leaning.
14. What do you do when sitting at a stoplight?
a) Keep your hands on the bars and scan your mirrors.
b) Rap the engine and anticipate the green light.
c) Try not to spill your drink.
15. Is the speed at which you ride governed by:
a) The posted legal speed limit.
b) The movment of traffic around you.
c) The laws of physics.
16. What motorcycling skill do you most value?
a) Counter steering
b) Hanging off the saddle
c) Outrageous burnouts
Analysis of answers:
If you answered “a” to 5 questions, get the fuck out of here.
You are too weak to endure; you are kind to kitties, small children and deaf people. No doubt you attend the Policeman’s Ball… probably with a policeman.
Go join the Hamsters.
If you answered “b” to 5 questions, get the fuck out of here.
You are overly concerned with your riding skills and you will bore us to death with stories about “apexing” the curve and your bike's drag co-efficients. Fuck you. Go join H.O.G.
If you answered “c” to 10 or more questions. You might be a Weasel. You are clearly a lowlife… possible a heavy drinker… and probably uninsurable.
We won't be able to tell you anything.
You’re Weasel material.